WASHINGTON– In response to the government shutdown, former Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi announced today that she will be going on a “Botox Strike” until the U.S. government agrees to provide free healthcare to all illegal aliens. The 85-year-old Democrat vows to refuse all cosmetic injections and plastic surgeries, no matter how grotesque her appearance becomes.
During a press conference on the Capitol steps, Nancy Pelosi made the dramatic announcement and vowed to fight President Donald Trump’s cruel plan to strip healthcare away from millions of illegal invaders.
“I will not rest until every undocumented immigrant has access to the same quality healthcare that I have enjoyed for centuries,” Pelosi declared, her face drooping with conviction. “And if that means my forehead develops one, two, or even a hundred wrinkles, then so be it.”
The White House has issued a formal statement, with Trump saying, “We’re not negotiating with Nancy Pelosi’s frown lines, turkey neck, and leather face. My position remains firm, unlike Crazy Nancy’s skin.”
As the standoff continues, Pelosi remains resolute. “Let my crow’s feet be a testament to Republican cruelty. My face may sag, my eyelids may droop, and my face may become more wrinkled than Mitch McConnell’s ball sack, but my commitment to our undocumented voters will never waver.”
In related news, shares of Botox manufacturer Allergan have plummeted in response to Pelosi’s announcement.
