WASHINGTON—After returning from another three week vacation, Senate Majority Leader John Thune confirmed during a press conference that he will not bring the popular SAVE Act to the Senate floor, warning that doing so could could lead to a catastrophic scenario of Republicans actually winning the 2026 midterms.
Standing at a podium placed in front of a banner that read “Republicans Want To Lose,” John Thune explained that the risk of securing American elections was simply too high for a party currently enjoying the comfort of a do-nothing majority.
“We have to think long-term here,” Thune said nervously. “If we pass the SAVE Act and ensure that only American citizens vote, we might end up with an even larger majority. Do you have any idea how much work that is? We’d have to actually show up to work a few months out of the year, maybe even pass a budget. If we win elections, then the American people will expect us to keep delivering results. It’s a slippery slope.”
When asked why he won’t bring it to a vote, Thune pointed to historical precedent, saying, “Remember when we passed tax cuts in 2017? Look what happened. People started liking us and expecting us to do more. We can’t afford that kind of positive momentum going into November.”
At press time, Democrat leaders praised the Republican’s decision to stall the bill, with Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer reportedly sending Thune a fruit basket accompanied with a note telling him what a fantastic job he’s doing.
