Republicans Promise To Protect American Workers By Replacing Them Legally
WASHINGTON — Republicans across the country unveiled a bold new plan Monday…
Mitch McConnell Takes Labor Day Off From Being Dead
WASHINGTON — After working tirelessly around the clock to appear fully deceased…
Congress Condemns Reduced Vaccine Schedule For Threatening Health Of Their Stock Portfolios
WASHINGTON — Members of Congress expressed grave concern Monday over the Trump administration’s…
Congress Finally Reaches Bipartisan Agreement To Ignore Voters
WASHINGTON — In a rare display of bipartisan cooperation, congressional Republicans and…
Doctors Say Mitch McConnell Making Steady Recovery From Being Dead
WASHINGTON — In an effort to dispel mounting conspiracy theories regarding the…
Republicans Celebrate Amnesty Deal Where Democrats Got Everything And Republicans Pretended To Fight
WASHINGTON — House Republicans held a triumphant press conference Tuesday celebrating what…
Illegal Alien Learns Olive Garden Has Stricter ID Requirements Than U.S. Elections
ORLANDO, FLORIDA — Saying the experience had left him deeply confused about…
Raytheon, Lockheed Martin Lower Flags To Half-Mast For Top Salesman Lindsey Graham
ARLINGTON, VIRGINIA — Defense contractors across the country entered an official period…
Bigfoot Researchers Believe They Have Captured Rare Footage Of Wild Mitch McConnell
KENTUCKY — A team of veteran Bigfoot researchers announced this week they…
Doctors Say Mitch McConnell Hasn’t Aged A Day Since Beginning Formaldehyde Treatments
LOUISVILLE, KENTUCKY — Amid mounting public pressure and a frantic search for…
Congress Introduces Bill Allowing Dead Lawmakers To Continue Voting Via Ouija Board
WASHINGTON — In what congressional leaders hailed as a "common-sense modernization of government,"…
Mitch McConnell’s Office Insists Proof Of Life Photo Is Authentic
WASHINGTON — Hoping to put weeks of speculation about the senator's whereabouts…