Mitch McConnell Refuses Retirement, Announces Senate Career Will Continue As Desk-Mounted Brain
WASHINGTON — After doctors confirmed his body could no longer reliably perform…
Congress Declares ‘Swamp Drained’ After Passing $2 DOGE Budget Cut
WASHINGTON-- Cheers erupted across Capitol Hill Thursday as Congress triumphantly declared the…
RINOs Win Golden Globe Best Actor Award For Pretending To Be Republican
BEVERLY HILLS, CALIFORNIA-- A coalition of establishment Republicans was awarded the Golden…
Congress Furious Minnesota Somali Fraudsters Did Corruption Better Than Them
WASHINGTON-- Congress members reportedly erupted into jealous outrage this week after federal…
‘If Only We Had The Majority We Could Get Something Done,’ Say Republicans Currently In Majority
WASHINGTON-- Republican leaders in Congress gathered solemnly on the Capitol steps today…
Republicans Hail Bipartisan Compromise After Agreeing To Give Democrats Everything They Want
WASHINGTON-- Congressional Republicans celebrated what they called a “historic moment of unity”…
Man Who Spent Two Years Calling Republicans ‘Weird’ Shocked To Discover Name-Calling Can Be Hurtful
ST. PAUL, MINNESOTA-- During a tearful press conference, Minnesota Governor and former…
Republicans Seen Literally Burying Trump’s Agenda Bill On Capitol Lawn
WASHINGTON-- In an effort to impede the MAGA agenda, several Republican lawmakers…
Awkward: GOP, DNC Both Offer Lucrative X Contracts To Same Indian Troll Farm For ‘Authentic Grassroots Support’
WASHINGTON-- In a cringe-worthy moment of bipartisan embarrassment, both the Republican National…
Congress Reopens Government Just So They Can Take Another Vacation
WASHINGTON-- In a stunning display of bipartisan unity, the U.S. Congress announced…
Ex-Con Believes His Extensive Criminal History Will Make Him An Excellent Addition To Congress
SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA-- Only days after Nancy Pelosi announced her retirement from…
Republicans Jubilant Over Democrat Sweep, Vow To Use Same Strategy To Lose Midterms
WASHINGTON-- Jubilant Republicans filled the halls of Congress this morning, popping sparkling…