WASHINGTON—In an emergency closed-door meeting Friday, a coalition of concerned Senate Republicans urged President Donald Trump to immediately halt all implementation of the official 2024 GOP platform, warning that his dangerous pattern of actually doing what they campaigned on was catastrophic for their donor hauls.
The crisis began shortly after President Donald Trump started advancing elements of the party’s own platform, triggering widespread alarm among senators who have built thirty-year careers on “vowing to fight” things they never actually intend to stop.
“We are deeply concerned about the pace of President Trump’s follow through,” said Senate Leader John Thune, during an emergency press conference. “If we actually secure the border, balance the budget, pass election integrity, and dismantle the administrative state before the midterms, what on earth are we supposed to put in our ‘CRITICAL EMERGENCY ALERT’ text messages? We have to keep voters terrified that these problems still exist.”
Senator Mitch McConnell described the president’s recent actions as “recklessly efficient” and warned that immediate implementation of campaign pledges could devastate long term money grift.
At press time, the senators were reportedly crafting a new slogan titled “Republicans: Fighting Trump So Democrats Don’t Have To, So Please Donate.”
