MOGADISHU, SOMALIA—In a rare press release from the high seas, a coalition of Somali pirates announced Wednesday that they are formally distancing themselves from Minnesota Rep. Ilhan Omar following her unhinged and embarrassing outburst during President Trump’s 2026 State of the Union address, claiming her behavior has tarnished their already questionable reputation.
During the 2026 State of the Union, Ilhan Omar protested President Donald Trump’s speech by screaming, cursing, and screeching. The pirates insisted they had no official affiliation with the Minnesota lawmaker, despite years of being used as a recurring comparison.
“We are a proud people with a rich tradition of high-seas robbery,” said one Somali pirate to a few kidnapped international journalists. “But watching Representative Omar screech at President Trump on national television while defending a $250 million daycare scam? It makes us sick to our stomachs. She is giving Somalis a terrible reputation and making us pirates look bad.”
The pirates also took the opportunity to distance their so-called legitimate extortion business from the Minnesota fraudsters Omar was defending, saying that the Somali scammers in Minneapolis were stealing money meant for hungry ghost toddlers.
At press time, Ilhan Omar dismissed the Somali pirates’ statement as a far-right stunt, claiming that the pirates were obviously just racist, Nazi, MAGA white supremacists.
