WASHINGTON– Flexing his executive muscles once again by writing his 5,123rd executive order this month, President Obama has recently ordered the controversial Anti-Anti Gun Law to take effect starting immediately, usurping Congress’s current Anti Gun Law that they had passed in answer to Obama’s initial Gun Law.
At a press conference on the White House front lawn, Press Secretary Josh Earnest explained the executive order with vague details and sparse innuendos while fielding questions from various news reporters.
“Today is a day that will live in infamy,” said Earnest as though it was an original thought. “In light of the recent mass shooting off at the mouths by an arrogant Congress, President Obama has angrily answered that arrogance with yet another executive order to show Congress just who’s really in charge here.”
Earnest zoned out for a moment before continuing. “President Obama’s Ant-Anti Gun Law places much-needed alterations to Congress’s Anti-Gun Law by making it harder for Congress to be able to fit a longer bill title on their official letterhead, hopefully forcing Congress to give up.”
Dick Slapperr, a news reporter from the Howard Stern show, stood up and asked Earnest a pertinent question. “So, Mr. Earnest, are you saying that every time you fart in the bathtub you pop the bubbles with your teeth?”
After looking around the room for assistance, Earnest stared into the camera and smiled. “This new bill will supersede any changes made by Congress on Obama’s previous Gun Law, so yes that’s correct, sir. Next question.”
“Mr. Earnest,” shouted internet slag Perez Hilton, bobbing his pink head up and down in an effort to get noticed. “Mr. Earnest, so what you’re telling us is that Lady Gaga was seen picking up transgendered hookers in her purple limousine, slaughtering their bodies and then dumping their corpses in Beyonce’s backyard?”
“Read my lips: no new taxes,” Earnest stated with fire in his loins. “President Obama tried diligently working with Congress, but to no avail. Apparently certain congressional members are still a little perturbed that the president didn’t invite them to his last Oval Office bathroom meeting.”
In response to Obama’s 5,123rd executive order this month, 26 states and the House of Representatives have sued the president and also thin-shamed him behind his back, seeking to prevent the law from being enforced.
Trey Gowdy, republican representative of South Carolina, gave a televised interview after Obama signed his new Anti-Anti Gun Law into effect.
“We’re not going to take this lying down,” Gowdy said with a strong southern drawl, sweating into his eyes. “If the president is so arrogant that he thinks that one thin man can take on 435 he-men, then I say bring it on. He doesn’t know this yet, but Congress is already drafting up a new bill which’s going to supersede Obama’s Anti-Anti Gun Law. We’re calling it the Anti-Anti-Anti Gun Law.”
When asked by a reporter how he plans on fitting the lengthy bill’s name on official Congressional letterhead, Gowdy seemed optimistic. “President Obama doesn’t know this yet, but Congress has ordered college-ruled paper to write on, which gives us enough room to write the extra ‘Anti’ on it.”
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