WASHINGTON– Republican leaders in Congress gathered solemnly on the Capitol steps today to lament what they described as their tragic lack of authority, influence, or any meaningful ability to do the job voters explicitly handed them, despite holding a majority in both the House and Senate.
“If only the American people would give us a majority in Congress, maybe we could finally act,” said House Speaker Mike Johnson, wiping away a single tear. “If only we had the power to actually make laws, we could finally codify President Trump’s executive orders and give the American people what they voted for. But alas, we’re powerless.”
Despite holding the House, the Senate, and the presidency, GOP lawmakers insisted they are effectively governing from a position of powerlessness, with nothing but cable news hits and strongly worded tweets.
Senate Republican Leader John Thune admitted that their primary grievance appears to be that wielding absolute power requires a distressing amount of actual work.
Republicans concluded the event by promising that if voters would just show up one more time, give them a slightly bigger majority, and lower expectations dramatically, then real change could finally maybe be almost possible.
