WASHINGTON– After western news media outlets reported that Vladimir Putin soiled himself from a fall, an incensed Joe Biden showed his dominance over the Russian president and one-upped him by pooping his own pants on live television and then began bragging that America has defeated the Soviets once again.
While giving a White House press conference urging Americans to get vaccinated or he’ll send another $69 billion to Ukraine, Biden received word from one of his aides that Putin had crapped his pants after falling down a flight of stairs. The accidental crap caused the Russian president’s poll numbers to go up by making him appear more human and likeable.
“Mr. Putin, tear down this stall,” said Biden as he crapped himself, referencing Ronald Reagan’s famous Soviet Union speech. “With Putin’s recent odorous act, I’m hereby drawing the proverbial brown line in the sand by putting the skid marks on the Russian president’s plan on making America appear impacted and obstructed.”
News reporters watched in awe as Biden beautifully relieved himself in the comfort of the Oval Office, letting the world know that no country packs their underwear as well as the United States.
Sources close to Donald Trump say the MAGA president was very unimpressed with Biden’s ability to drop a deuce and that if he was still president then he would’ve laid a brick so much more impressive, superior, and forceful than the “weak, clogged colon of Sleepy Joe Biden.”
