ST. PAUL, MINNESOTA– Minnesota Democrats held an emergency press conference Tuesday to warn that recent efforts by the Trump administration to stop massive Somali daycare fraud could result in a humanitarian catastrophe for thousands of children who, according to state records, have never existed.
Governor Tim Walz and Representative Ilhan Omar joined forces to condemn the heartless Republican crackdown on Minnesota’s burgeoning ghost child sector, warning that any attempt to prosecute billions of dollars in systemic fraud is essentially an act of war against children who don’t exist.
“We must think of the children,” urged Tim Walz, in reference to the imaginary daycare center children. “President Trump is a heartless dictator, playing a dangerous game by taking food away from these imaginary youth. Just because a child lacks a pulse, a social security number, or a physical form in this dimension doesn’t mean they don’t deserve a taxpayer-funded organic lunch. To suggest otherwise is simply MAGA extremism.”
Democrats insist that cracking down on the Somali daycare fraud would be cruel, calling Republicans Nazis who want to starve innocent fake children who may not be visible to the naked eye.
The Walz administration has proposed a new “Inclusivity in Invoicing” bill, which would make it a hate crime to ask a Somali daycare owner to produce a child during a site visit, as it creates a hostile environment for entrepreneurs of color who specialize in non-corporeal childcare.
At press time, Governor Walz was seen at a local Party City, reportedly purchasing 5,000 inflatable “daycare students” to ensure that the next time an auditor visits, the rooms will at least look at capacity.
