FAIRTON, NEW JERSEY– As he sat in prison serving a seven year sentence for fraud, former New York Congressman George Santos expressed deep regret over his financial missteps, kicking himself for not picking up a copy of Nancy Pelosi’s bestselling book How To Make Millions Insider Trading And Get Away With It before embarking on his ill-fated congressional campaign.
Santos lamented how he could’ve avoided being stuck behind bars wearing an orange jumpsuit had he just simply taken the advice of 85-year-old former Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, who has amassed an almost billion dollar fortune on less than $180,000 a year.
“Oh, darling, I could’ve been sipping mai tais on a yacht if I had just read Nancy’s playbook,” muttered George Santos regretfully to a fellow inmate as the man prepared to mount him from behind. “Pelosi’s walking free after turning a $174,000 congressional salary into an almost half of a billion fortune, while I’m stuck in here for almost a decade in a pound-me-in-the-butt prison for taking a few too many donations. Wait, maybe it won’t be so bad in here after all.”
Prison insiders say George Santos started reading Pelosi’s book cover-to-cover, scribbling notes on his prison boyfriend’s bedsheet and learning everything he can from the elder California Congresswoman for when he eventually gets out of prison and back into Congress in an effort to become a more competent politician who commits crimes and never gets caught.
