WASHINGTON– House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has drafted articles of impeachment against Donald Trump, claiming the MAGA president is responsible for her husband Paul Pelosi and David DePape arguing in their underwear at 2am in what was definitely not a romantic tryst gone wrong.
“Good morning, Sunday morning,” said Pelosi during an intense interview regarding the altercation at her home. “Today, I have decided to draft articles of impeachment against former President Trump for his part in the lurid underwear fight between Mr. DePape and my husband, Phil, er, Peter. No wait, Paul.”
While drinking some liquid courage to calm her nerves over the bad orange man, Pelosi said she knows for certain that Trump was at the house pretending to be David DePape and that the billionaire businessman wore a mask posing as the naked DePape and forced Paul to also strip down to his undergarments in an effort to make her husband appear to be gay as a way to overthrow the future 2024 presidential election.
“I know this sounds extreme, but Mr. Trump is definitely an extremist,” said Pelosi, quickly hiding her gavel that eerily resembles a hammer. “Trump’s new brand of MAGA extremism where a former president can force a House Speaker’s husband against his will to spend time alone with nude men playing naked Twister is a threat to our democracy.”
Democratic Representative Adam Schiff told news reporters that he has irrefutable proof that Trump is responsible for the squabble at Pelosi’s house and that he plans on releasing the evidence at a later time, a much later time when everyone will forget all about the Paul Pelosi story.
