LONDON, UK– After a mere seven-day vacation in a predominantly Muslim neighborhood of London, beloved children’s icon Kermit the Frog has reportedly embraced radical Islam.
Sources close to the amphibian claim the once cheerful green Muppet has traded in his wholesome songs about rainbows and friendship to preach about jihad against infidels and all enemies of Islam.
According to eyewitnesses, Kermit’s transformation began during a stroll through Whitechapel, where he became mesmerized by the call to prayer and was approached by radical Muslim clerics on the street who convinced him to convert, eventually trading his banjo for a copy of the Quran.
“Ya kaffur, I’m issuing a fatwa against all nonbelievers,” bellowed Kermit the Frog as he pointed a rifle in the air. “You infidels wallow in your ignorance, chasing rainbows and porkchops, while the ummah rises! Astaghfirullah, your ways are haram! The swamp is no place for shirk—Allahu Akbar, we will cleanse this Muppet theater of your decadent Muppetry!”
The UK government has praised Kermit’s impressive transformation from puppet sinner to Muppet mullah so quickly, with Prime Minister Keir Starmer declaring the sight of the frog’s conversion to Islam has strengthened his own devotion and dedication to Allah.
Back in the states, Kermit the Frog’s PR team scrambled to contain the fallout, claiming the frog was only exploring his spiritual side after getting arrested for stabbing nine people.
