LONDON, ENGLAND–In a culmination of an ongoing war with the people of the UK, Prime Minister Keir Starmer has officially declared a jihad against his own citizens for what he deems their persistent acts of aggression for refusing to convert to his ideological vision.
Dressed in Taliban headscarf during a televised speech, Keir Starmer announced his declaration of holy war against the citizens of Britain and has branded them as infidels for their unwavering devotion to freedom.
“For far too long UK citizens have defied the will of progress,” proclaimed Starmer, holding a rifle up in the air. “From now on, I will no longer tolerate these acts of aggressions against the expansion of my authoritarian rule, which is why I am hereby officially declaring a jihad against the citizens of the United Kingdom. Everyone must convert or be conquered.”
The prime minister’s declaration of jihad follows months of peacefully arresting people for posting funny memes online and old grandmoms using butter knifes to cut their toast, vowing to replace all non-compliant citizens with third world foreigners who will willingly align with his agenda.
International leaders have expressed alarm, with the Ayatollah of Iran calling Starmer a brutal terrorist dictator and has called on the United States to bomb the Muslim country.
