OTTAWA, CANADA– Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was ecstatic after hearing the news that his mounted police officers were violently attacking protesters Saturday and has already nominated the Royal Mountie who trampled over a disabled, old woman with his horse for the Medal of Bravery.
“I’d like to take this opportunity to commend my order-following police officers, eh,” said Trudeau with a large duper’s delight smile. “It’s with great honor that I nominate the loyal Canadian Mountie who trampled over that racist bigot with his trusted horse and brought Canada one violent incident closer to total tyranny for the Medal of Bravery.”
After reviewing the footage of the mounted police officers trampling over protesters with their horses, Trudeau immediately gave a secret press conference from an undisclosed location to thank the brave men in uniform and to also chastise them for not murdering the rest of the truckers for freedom.
“Even though today is a day to celebrate a few less protesters, eh,” said Trudeau, “it’s also a sad day due to the failures of my police squad at failing to finish the job and totally dispose of the fringe minority.”
Trudeau went on to say that the Mounties need to stop being so nice to the protesters by only trampling them with horses and urged them to finish what they started by drawing and quartering every peaceful protester who refuses to follow the prime minister’s mandatory fifty-five vaccinations a month.
