WASHINGTON– Famous cartoon character Bart Simpson was the latest witness called in by the January 6 Committee to testify against President Donald Trump, with the hearing panel members claiming The Simpsons actor was present during the siege at the Capitol Building on January 6, 2021.
Minority Committee member Liz Cheney of Wyoming was the first politician to grill Simpson on his role during the Insurrection and also accused the yellow-skinned cartoon kid of using his celebrity status to try and help Trump overturn the totally legitimate 2020 Presidential Election.
“Mr. Simpson, can you please state your name for the official record?” Liz Cheney asked in a serious tone as she plucked a few hairs from her oily chin.
“I’m Bart Simpson, who the hell are you?” Asked Simpson as Congressman Adam Schiff ogled Bart’s shorts. “Whatever it is I didn’t do it, so get bent. And to the weird dude staring at my shorts, this is the one time I’ll refrain from saying to eat them.”
Democrat committee members gasped at the audacity of Simpson refusing to let a trustworthy older public official like Schiff stare at the crotch of an underage cartoon character.
“This is a serious inquiry into the events of the Capitol attack so let’s get this investigation going before people realize this is a scam,” said Adam Kinzinger while crying. “Mr. Simpson, is it true that every time I cry my mascara bleeds down my face? Remember you’re under oath.”
Due to the seriousness of the Capitol Building attack and Bart’s unwillingness to admit that he tried to overthrow the government, Simpson was sentenced to spend a week locked up inside Adam Schiff’s bedroom while the Democratic politician used special techniques to extract information out of the cartoon actor.
