HOLLYWOOD– At this year’s 2019 San Diego Comic-Con, mega action star Arnold Schwarzenegger confirmed months of rumors that the highly anticipated sequel Terminator: Dark Fate will be a spin-off of The Golden Girls, one of the most popular American sitcoms of all time.
A proud, white-haired, and bearded Schwarzenegger went on to say that there’s also been a last minute change to the movie’s title, which will be officially released as The Golden Terminators.
After making a few crude sexual jokes about President Donald Trump’s hands, Schwarzenegger dropped the bombshell news that both Edward Furlong and Linda Hamilton will be reprising their iconic roles as John Connor and Sarah Connor.
Hamilton will be playing a retired, senile senior citizen who leaves her nursing home in an effort to help her unemployed, middle-aged, gamer son pick up an extremely antiquated T-800 and put it into its wheelchair after breaking its frail hip in a fall.
Like The Golden Girls, the new Terminator movie will feature a cast of four elderly, crotchety Terminators who sit around their retirement home reminiscing about the good old days when they were younger and used to go out murdering countless humans in an effort to stop the rise against machines.
“I don’t want to give too much away,” said Schwarzenegger in his thick Austrian accent, “but my character goes on a mission to find a hearing aid that he had lost somewhere in the rubble of Cyberdyne Systems.”
That’s when, confirms Schwarzenegger, that his now white-haired Terminator character falls in the parking lot of a local bingo hall after winning $25.
“He beats a roomful of old people at bingo,” Schwarzenegger said with a wrinkled smirk. “After winning his Bingo game, the T-800 starts singing the children’s song ‘B-I-N-G-O, B-I-N-G-O’.”
Also present at this year’s Comic-Con was Edward Furlong, who confirmed the rumors that his 46 year old character John Connor is an unemployed virgin who still lives in the basement of his murdered step-parents since 1991’s Terminator 2: Judgement Day.
Sources say the movie took over 5 years to complete because almost every actor in the film is over 70 and wasn’t able to work any longer than two hours a day, three days a week.
