WASHINGTON — Following decades of stagnant wages, crumbling infrastructure, and the rising cost of literally everything, a growing number of Americans are slowly beginning to harbor a sneaking suspicion that the United States Congress might not actually be working for them.
The realization reportedly struck sometime between the latest partial government shutdown and a widely shared photo of lawmakers boarding flights to recuperate from their last vacation.
“I’ve been getting a sinking suspicion that Congress doesn’t care about us,” said Gerald Hutchins, a furloughed DHS administrative officer, who hasn’t been paid in a month and a half. “I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but when they shut down parts of the government and then immediately leave town, it does make a person start to wonder.”
Americans’ suspicions have been building gradually over several decades, though it recently gained traction after citizens noticed a recurring pattern of inaction, followed by speeches about the importance of action, followed by more inaction but conducted at a slightly higher salary.
At press time, the nation reportedly concluded that while the entire institution of Congress is a fundamentally broken, self-serving apparatus, they will all still probably vote to re-elect their own district’s incumbent this November.
