WASHINGTON — House Republicans held a triumphant press conference Tuesday celebrating what they described as a historic conservative victory after reaching a bipartisan immigration agreement in which Democrats received every major provision they requested while Republicans secured the right to hold a press conference declaring victory.
Standing before a backdrop reading “MISSION ACCOMPLISHED” and flanked by dozens of American flags, GOP lawmakers announced a historic, hard-fought conservative victory on immigration and congratulated themselves on what one representative called the toughest surrender Washington has ever seen.
“People said Democrats would never negotiate,” House Speaker Mike Johnson told reporters. “Well, they were wrong. After weeks of grueling talks, Democrats agreed to let us spend almost fifteen minutes explaining why giving them everything they wanted was actually a huge win for conservatives. That is what tough, uncompromising conservative leadership looks like.”
According to the negotiations, Republicans entered the talks demanding mass deportations, mandatory E-Verify, and sweeping border enforcement before eventually settling on a strongly worded press release emphasizing that they had negotiated from a position of strength.
Another Republican insisted the legislation also contained serious compromises after Democrats agreed to allow lawmakers to wear flag pins while voting for it.
At publishing time, a coalition of “tough-on-the-border” Republicans were seen standing in front of a chain-link fence in Texas, filming fiery campaign ads about stopping illegal immigration, before quietly unlocking a side gate to let their donors’ lettuce-pickers through.
