HELENA, MONTANA — In what his office is hailing as an unprecedented victory for the economy, Montana Governor Greg Gianforte announced a historic trade deal with India today, under which the state will export a modest shipment of yellow peas in exchange for importing roughly 150,000 tech workers, foreign contractors, and university exchange students.
The Republican governor, who is leading a Montana delegation on a five-day mission to India to expand partnerships in agriculture, higher education, manufacturing, critical minerals, technology and other industries, ensured that Montana’s agricultural sector would receive a minor boost, while local tech developers, engineers, and municipal workers are quietly replaced by offshore Indian contractors willing to work 90-hour weeks for a bowl of curry soup and free outdoor restrooms.
“For years, Montanans have asked how we can expand our agricultural exports while staying competitive in the 21st century,” Gianforte declared, gesturing toward a freshly gifted bust of Vishnu. “The answer’s simple. We sell them a few lentils, and in return, we open our doors to an endless supply of offshore subcontractors to fill every STEM, engineering, and corporate role from Billings to Missoula. It’s basic economics.
“This is a win-win,” Gianforte added. “Montana gets to sell India more lentils, and India gets to send Montana more people.”
Gianforte said that Montanans whose job positions were eliminated would be encouraged to view the situation as evidence that Montana’s economy was becoming more globally competitive.
“Montanans might have to learn to code,” Gianforte joked. “Oh wait a minute. They won’t have that job either.”
