ANCHORAGE, ALASKA– During a top-secret summit meeting between President Donald Trump and Russian President Vladimir Putin, Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky was caught trying to infiltrate the meeting by disguising himself as an inconspicuous table lamp.
Zelensky was able to penetrate security at the highly-anticipated peace summit by hiding inside of the luggage of one Putin’s aides, determined to listen to the conversation between the two world leaders that he wasn’t invited to. With a lampshade on his head and lightbulb inside of his mouth, Zelensky waited for Trump and Putin to arrive.
“There’s no way these two fools will ever find me here,” mumbled Zelensky with pursed lips as Trump and Putin entered the room to begin their global discussions. “Now, if I can just stand as still as possible and keep quiet then perhaps I can find out why I wasn’t invited to this meeting. And if President Trump gets close enough, then perhaps I can slide my hand into his pocket and grab his wallet. Diplomacy isn’t cheap.”
Attentive Secret Service agents noticed something was awry when the tiny table lamp started making sniffing sounds and saying it was getting jittery because it hadn’t had a snort of the white stuff in almost thirty minutes.
Zelensky’s cover was finally blown and the Ukraine-Russia war ended when an aide accidentally plugged the lamp into an outlet and electrocuted the Ukrainian president.
