MARTHA’S VINEYARD– After he gave damaging testimony that President Biden was involved with Hunter’s shady business dealings, the Biden whistleblower was terrified to hear the news that he had been invited to go paddle boarding over Barack Obama’s house only days after a White House chef was found dead while paddle boarding with the former president.
“I’m sending an open invitation to the man who could very well also implicate me in Joe’s business dealings,” said Obama with a nervous smile while holding a paddle with a whistleblower death count on it. “And don’t worry, my whistleblower friend, you don’t need any experience paddle boarding. Michelle and I are experts at our craft and would be willing to show you the ropes at around, let’s say, 2 am this morning?”
Obama said he enjoys showing off his skills with the paddleboard with anyone who gets a little too close to telling the truth, and has had the pleasure of teaching dozens of now deceased people how to paddleboard at his house late at night when it’s dark and no one else is around to witness anything.
“I don’t want anyone stealing my secret paddleboard techniques,” said Obama when asked why he only teaches certain students at night when all the home security cameras are turned off. “If my paddle boarding techniques fell into the wrong hands it would become a matter of national security.”
Joining in on the late night paddleboard training at the former president’s house will be Hillary Clinton, whom Obama promised was an excellent late night, no cameras around, paddle boarding champion.
“She’s got a higher body count, I mean, student count than even I do,” said Obama of Hillary.
