California Bans ‘Assault Matches’ And ‘High-Capacity Lighters’ To Combat Wildfires
SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA-- In a move to combat the state's annual wildfire apocalypse,…
Mark Carney Honors Notorious Serial Killer For Reducing Canada’s Carbon Footprint
OTTAWA, CANADA-- In a climate change ceremony at Parliament Hill, Prime Minister…
Democrats Struggle Deciding Whether To Blame Texas Flood On Trump, Russia, Elon, Racism, Climate Change, ICE, Or White Supremacy
WASHINGTON-- Only hours after violent floods ripped through parts of Texas, Democrats…
Mark Carney Claims Canada Will Achieve Net Zero Carbon Footprint Once Every Canadian Is Euthanized
OTTAWA, CANADA-- In his quest to tackle the dangerous carbon epidemic in…
Bernie Sanders Writes ‘Reduce Carbon Emissions’ With One Of His Private Jets
WASHINGTON-- In his quest to get the lower-class citizens to reduce their…
Al Gore Warns If Trump Not Stopped Soon Then Polar Ice Caps Will Melt And World Will End By 2013
DAVOS, SWITZERLAND-- During a fiery speech about the climate crisis at a…
Biden Appoints Satan As Top Climate Change Diplomat
WASHINGTON-- In a move that surprised no one, President Joe Biden announced…
New Mexico Governor Bans Breathing Due To Climate Change Emergency
SANTA FE, NEW MEXICO-- In order to combat a serious environmental epidemic,…
To Limit Global Warming, Biden Appoints Chris Christie As Official Sun Blocker
WASHINGTON-- To combat the dangerous effects of global warming by preventing the…
Governments Mandate Solar Panels Immediately After Bill Gates Blocks Out The Sun
WORLD-- As soon as billionaire philanthropist Bill Gates got finished blocking out…
Christmas Cancelled After Justin Trudeau Has Santa Claus Euthanized
OTTAWA, CANADA-- This year's Christmas has been officially cancelled after Canadian Prime…
Activists Super Glue Nostrils And Mouths Shut In Protest Of Climate Change
LONDON, ENGLAND-- Two climate change activists from a campaign group called Just…