OTTAWA, CANADA– This year’s Christmas has been officially cancelled after Canadian Prime Minster Justin Trudeau had Santa Claus euthanized as part of his push to reduce the world’s population to help curb the spread of systemic, racist, climate change transphobia.
Millions of children around the world were said to be in tears after Trudeau made the startling announcement during his latest press briefing, going so far as to accuse the deceased Santa of becoming too much of a burden on the environment due to the jolly, fat man’s smog-inducing sleigh and air-polluting deer farts.
“I’m pleased to announce that we have euthanized Santa Claus for the betterment of our environment,” said Trudeau with a large, duper’s delight smile. “Thanks to our newly passed Medical Assistance In Dying system, we can now legally kill anyone that we deem is too much of a burden on society.”
According to sources, Santa was picked up at a Montreal gas station by Canadian authorities while filling up his gas-guzzling sleigh that Trudeau claims will be used by the prime minister whenever traveling around the world to lecture people on doing their part to combat climate change.
While laughing at a crying child within the crowd of people, Trudeau added, “I also instructed my Royal Police force to use Santa’s reindeer to trample over any future protesters or old ladies who refuse my orders to get euthanized once they reach the ripe, old age of forty.”
Trudeau ended the briefing on a positive note, saying that his Royal Gestapo has already captured and euthanized the Easter Bunny thereby saving the environment from the rabbit’s polluting flatulence.
