OTTAWA, CANADA– In his quest to tackle the dangerous carbon epidemic in Canada, newly elected Liberal Prime Minister Mark Carney laid out his ten year plan by claiming the Great White North Country will finally achieve a net zero carbon footprint once he has every single Canadian citizen euthanized.
During a climate symposium in Ottawa, PM Mark Carney vowed to achieve a net zero carbon footprint by the year 2035, promising to spend a massive amount of resources into killing every Canadian to attain that goal.
“We need to drastically reduce Canada’s carbon emissions before it’s too late,” said Mark Carney as he explained what needed to be done. “If we want to achieve a total net zero carbon footprint, then we must act now and start getting as many Canadians euthanized as possible. The only way myself and my fellow WEF members will survive is to remove the population of Canada.”
Carney went on to say that he will begin a national ad campaign urging Canadians to agree to be euthanized, offering them the promise of financial gain if they agree to be humanely killed.
“I’ll be offering Canadians one hundred Canadian dollars if they undergo euthanasia,” said Carney with a smirk. “That one hundred dollars is only payable after the Canadian is euthanized. Any euthanized Canadian that does not collect their money within seven days will forfeit the money, which will then go into my personal bank account.”
The prime minister specified that anyone who doesn’t volunteer to be euthanized will be rounded up and executed.
“We all must do our part to save the planet from carbon,” said Carney before getting into his carbon-producing private jet.
