SOUTH BURLINGTON, VERMONT– Ben & Jerry’s ice cream has thrown their full support behind the Native American community by hiring real-life American Indian Senator Elizabeth Warren as their spokesperson in a continuation of their Independence Day tweet telling others to give their lands back to the Indigenous people.
After their July 4th Twitter tweet suggesting that people give their stolen property back to Native Americans, numerous Indian tribes came forward and told the popular ice cream company that their headquarters is sitting on stolen land and should be returned immediately.
The owners of Ben & Jerry’s clarified their tweet and said that they meant other people should give up their land, not Ben or Jerry’s own personal homes or business headquarters. In a compromise, they hired strong, independent Indian squaw Elizabeth Warren as their official company spokesperson.
“Oh, we weren’t suggesting that me or Ben should give away our property,” said Jerry in an interview while explaining how it wasn’t hypocritical. “So we made an equal compromise with the Indigenous community and hired one of their very own people Senator Elizabeth Warren to be our Indian spokesperson. I’m sure the Indians would rather have Mrs. Warren represent them rather than getting some measly bit of land back.”
Senator Warren was said to be very honored to represent the American Indian community and promised to be a voice for all those downtrodden Natives who have been wronged by white people in power, especially white female politicians.
“Me proud Indian woman who will be great voice for my people,” said Warren in a new Ben & Jerry’s commercial. “The Great Spirit has blessed my people with most tasty ice cream made by Mr. Ben and Mr. Jerry, the only two pale face white men who tell other pale face people to give up their land so they can keep theirs. We Indians reside in Ben & Jerry’s homes in spirit.”
