NEW YORK, NEW YORK– After laying off hundreds of useless human writers and then hiring educated chimpanzees in their place, BuzzFeed stated their stories have now become much more creative and well-written, and have already earned them numerous Pulitzer Prizes for journalistic excellence.
One of the new head writers for the internet media company is a 10-year-old chimpanzee named Einstein, whose latest BuzzFeed articles on interplanetary travel, chemical thermodynamics, and quantum physics have taken a complete drastic turn from the brainless drivel written by the former human writers.
“It is an honor and a privilege to bring BuzzFeed up to a higher standard of journalism,” said Einstein while splitting an atom. “I take great pride in my work and I spend a great deal of time and research on every article I write.”
As he planned his next news story, Einstein added, “I can’t in good conscience just do what the former human BuzzFeed writers did where they simply spent two minutes throwing together an insipid story and then gave it a brain-numbing title like ’25 Times Kim Kardashian Farted In The Bathtub And Made It Look Cute.’ Ugh.”
Due to BuzzFeed’s success, numerous other leftwing news media rags, such as HuffPost and The Daily Beast, decided to also jump on the bandwagon by hiring their own well-educated primates, hoping to improve their news stories once they fire all their useless, gender studies college dropouts.
