TEMPE, ARIZONA– Police are on the lookout for an unidentified man who has broken into numerous women’s homes at night and painted their feet while they were sleeping.
According to police, the suspect is a black male in his seventies with a scruffy white beard and was spotted by witnesses fleeing his last victim’s house wearing a Temple University sweatshirt. The suspect has been dubbed Leonardo da Feetci by various reputable news outlets.
Leonardo da Feetci is wanted on multiple counts of foot crimes,” said detective Harry Potter to news reporters in front of the police station. “According to a recent bill passed by Congress, foot crimes now come under terrorist activity, which means Leonard da Feetci is facing a minimum prison sentence of 60 years if apprehended.”
After showing news reporters a few photos of the victims, detective Potter released some startling evidence.
“Every one of da Feetci’s victims were in fact men,” he said, using a ruler to show how large all of the victims’ feet were. “All the victims’ feet were covered in hair. Most of the victims also had hair on their toes and some even had nail fungus and yellowing. Whether the suspect knew at the time that he was actually painting men’s feet or not remains a mystery.
When asked by a reporter for any more clues to help capture the foot painter, the detective offered some incriminating evidence. “Using luminol, our crime lab was able uncover trace amounts of pudding around the crime scenes. Apparently the suspect was eating pudding while painting up these male victim’s feet and then afterwards tried wiping up the evidence.”
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