GYEONGJU, SOUTH KOREA – In a heart-wrenching display of global embarrassment, Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney was left on the verge of tears in his hotel room after President Donald Trump failed to notice or compliment his sleek new haircut and designer suit at the APEC leaders’ dinner in South Korea, even though Trump had complimented every other world leader’s looks. Carney had spent a whopping $10,000 on the makeover, hoping to finally impress the U.S. President.
According to sources close to the Canadian delegation, Mark Carney spent hours in front of the mirror practicing his “smize” and adjusting the perfectly knotted tie he’d borrowed from his wife’s closet. He even hired a team of stylists from Paris to give him a “Trump-esque” perfection, certain that there was no way that the U.S. President wouldn’t mention it.
“It was like I was invisible,” a tearful Mark Carney confided to aides, feeling angry, sad, and jealous all at the same time. “I kept trying to catch his eye, but he just kept talking to all the other world leaders about how great they looked and how impeccable their suits were. He even told one of the bald leaders how they had such nice hair.”
One of Carney’s aides told news reporters anonymously that the prime minister appeared like a sad little puppy whose master didn’t give him the belly rub he wanted, going so far to call PM Carney “a global embarrassment who just keeps digging Canada’s grave faster and faster.”
Unable to control his internal rage any longer, Carney lashed out at reporters during a post-dinner press conference, demanding to know why his “obviously superior” hairstyle wasn’t getting the recognition it deserved, eventually storming off the stage while vowing to take out his aggressions on Canadians as soon as he flies back to Canada.
