HONOLULU, HAWAII– Sharks from every corner of the globe recently held a meeting in the waters off the coast of Honolulu to discuss the past, present, and future ramifications of being constantly grouped in with lawyers, going as far as to say that the comparison actually makes sharks look bad.
During the meeting, where millions of sharks congregated for business as well as pleasure, sharks made their voices heard as local Hawaiians and vacationers alike stopped by the beaches to listen to what the highly misunderstood creatures had to say.
“It’s way past time for people to understand what us sharks are really about,” said Jasper, a 4 year old shark from the Pacific Ocean. “For centuries, humans have erroneously made the assumption that all sharks are big, bad monsters and that these…lawyers…represent the human version of us. Well, I’m here to tell all of you misled folks and all of you reporters here that this’s just a buncha bullshit.”
According to Jasper, sharks first started being compared to lawyers during the 1600’s when a British lawyer was seen out in the ocean mutilating several children and babies with his sharp, pointy teeth. Jasper said that the whole point of the shark meeting was to try and get to know humans better, not to trick them into letting their guard down and lure them in closer so that the sharks could eat them.
“Lawyers are the ones who started that accusation about us,” Jasper said heatedly, referring to the wild rumor. “I want you people to know that we caught hundreds of lawyers hiding out in another nearby part of the ocean waiting to attack any humans who ventured out into the waters. Their plan was to eat everyone and then blame us sharks. Unfortunately for them, most people know that sharks only eat to survive.”
In an effort to win the public’s trust, thousands of sharks around the world have volunteered to double as lifeguards whenever they’re not trying to eat those same people who are swimming out in the waters.
Visitor Rating: 5 Stars
Visitor Rating: 5 Stars
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