MAL, NEW YORK– Hungarian-American billionaire businessman George Soros admitted this morning on live shortwave radio that he has once again rigged his voting machines to elect our next president. Shocking the world even further, he has also stated that both Democrat Hillary Clinton and Republican Donald Trump will be elected, making this the first time in history that the United States of America will have two people serving as president at the same time.
During the radio broadcast, Soros went on record to say that the establishment couldn’t decide on who they wanted to faux run the country, citing Clinton’s lapdog obedience and Trump’s celebrity persona as both redeeming, beneficial qualities.
“We were actually considering combining their two bodies into one human,” Soros joked as the radio announcer played out-of-place sound effects. “But seriously, imagine the hideous-looking creature we’d have staring us in the face every day if we did that. So we figured the next best solution would be to simply rig the elections once again, but this time have both candidates win the presidency in a first ever double president term.”
Traditionally, in the odd chance that a presidential election ends in a tie, Congress makes the decision on who gets elected. When asked by the radio host on how he plans on bypassing Congress, Soros laughed once again as he rubbed his sweaty hands together.
“Oh, you naive ole boy,” Soros responded as ominous organ music played in the background. “Have you learned nothing? I have also rigged the voting process in Congress so that it will also result in a tie, no matter how those gentlemen vote. The voting process just keeps repeating itself over and over again until everyone gets so tired of voting that they are forced to just accept my dual presidential idea. It’s genius.”
The establishment wants all future voters to still go out and vote in an effort to make the whole underhanded process appear more genuine.
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