OTTAWA, CANADA– After a humiliating loss in the tariff war against US President Donald Trump, Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney has posted a job listing for his own position on LinkedIn, regretfully admitting he’s “utterly defeated” and “woefully incompetent” and that he just can’t handle the job as leader of the Great White North country.
While clearing out his office, PM Mark Carney quietly confessed that he has always been a loser and a fraud, facing relentless criticism from Canadians for doing an even worse job as prime minister than his predecessor Justin Trudeau.
“I, uh, did an even worse job as prime minister than I thought I would,” said Mark Carney to one of his aides as he filled out the job listing. “I’m really terrible at this. I have to, um, get out of here as soon as possible. Even I can’t stand the job I’m doing here. Maybe we can get that, um, Justin guy to come back and fix the mess I’ve made in only a few months.”
According to the job posting, the position is available immediately due to the current prime minister being completely terrible and in over his head, with the ideal candidate not required to be from Canada, care about Canada, or even have a pulse.
“Being deceased is actually a plus, as the stiffness from rigor mortis would help to keep the elbows up,” added Carney, already on his private jet to an undisclosed location.
Several prominent Canadians have expressed their desire at taking over as prime minister of Canada, including Ted Cruz, Kamala Harris, Seth Rogan, Pierre Trudeau, and Winnie-the-Pooh.
If only!