QUEBEC, CANADA– As the wildfires in Canada continue to spread, arson experts have now revealed that all the wildfires burning in the province of Quebec were caused by Justin Trudeau’s fake eyebrows igniting after the prime minister tried applying hairspray while also lighting a cigarette.
While in the forest rebuking some wild animals for their part in exacerbating climate change, Trudeau stopped screaming at a squirrel to apply some more hairspray while lighting a cigarette to puff before the cameras began rolling again.
“The fires started while the prime minister was lecturing some squirrels on climate change,” said Fire Marshall Bill before lighting his own eyebrows on fire to give a visual example for the cameras. “That’s when Mr. Trudeau said he needed to cut to commercial to reapply his lipstick and fix his hair. Unfortunately, while emptying a can of hairspray onto his hair he also lit a cigarette which ignited his synthetic eyebrows.”
It took a whole twenty minutes before Trudeau realized his eyebrows were burning, according to Fire Marshall Bill, and the prime minister quickly yelled to the camera crew to shut off the cameras before anyone saw his fake hair, fake eyelashes, and fake personality also get caught up in flames.
Not one to let a good crisis go to waste, Trudeau was quick to give an emergency news conference blaming the wildfires on all the dangerous farts emitted by wild squirrels in the forest and promised to allocate $69,000,000,000,000 USD to fight deadly climate change which will be paid for by Canadian taxpayers.
