WASHINGTON– In response to President Donald Trump’s proposed nationwide ban on mail-in voting, frantic Democrats came out publicly to voice their concerns that the president’s executive order to clean up the election process could severely hamper, even totally dismantle, the party’s longtime, sophisticated election rigging process.
Top Democrat leaders were left scrambling after the news broke of Trump planning to require all ballots to be cast in person at polling stations, holding an emergency press conference to fight back against the president’s desire to destroy the Democrat Party’s decades of ballot box shenanigans.
“Mr. Trump’s efforts to stop election cheating is a threat to our democracy,” declared California Democrat Nancy Pelosi, smashing one of her empty Vodka bottles against the podium to grab the crowd’s attention. “Let’s make one thing clear, Mr. Trump’s radical assault on years of election rigging is just another fascist attempt by the Trump administration to clean up the country and bring unwanted integrity to our electoral process.”
Pelosi went on to warn of an existential crisis if Trump’s mail-in ballot ban goes through, saying Democrats may never win another election again and the entire party could eventually become extinct.
“We must stop Trump’s election integrity agenda at all costs if we’re going to save our democracy, trans rights, and oppressed blacks” said Pelosi, right before passing out from all the excitement of just finishing six Vodka bottles in an hour.
News media outlets immediately jumped to defend the Democrats, arguing that election cheating is as American as Cricket and Spanakopita pie.
