SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA– In a move hailed by his office as both innovative and a game-changer in purpose-driven profit, California Governor Gavin Newsom unveiled a groundbreaking plan to revitalize the state’s flagging economy by transforming its sprawling homeless encampments into must-see tourist attractions.
During a press conference held outside a filthy homeless encampment under a San Francisco overpass, Governor Newsom declared a new era for California by embracing all of the things wrong with the Golden State rather than trying to solve them.
“For too long, we’ve viewed this crisis as though it were a problem instead of potential,” said Newsom while his bodyguards pepper sprayed a couple homeless people begging Newsom for change. “For the last two decades, I’ve spent countless minutes trying to solve the homeless epidemic in California when this whole time I could’ve been making money off of these smelly skanks.”
Newsom went on to say that the new homeless encampment tourist attractions will be more popular than both Disneyland and Hollywood combined, teasing that the upcoming attractions will offer exciting entertainment such as homeless people tweaking from overdosing on hardcore drugs and will be handing out poop souvenirs to children for only $69 per turd.
The homeless encampments will also include lodging for tourists. For only $9000 per night, visitors can stay overnight and sleep in a carboard box with a vagrant of their choice.
