WASHINGTON — Hoping to put weeks of speculation about the senator’s whereabouts to rest, Mitch McConnell’s office released what aides described as a “completely authentic and very reassuring proof of life photo” showing the longtime Kentucky lawmaker standing proudly inside his Capitol office holding a newspaper with the current date, assuring American citizens that the lawmaker is “vibrant, healthy, and absolutely still kicking.”
Though McConnell’s staff insisted the senator looked “healthy, alert, and hard at work,” the photograph appeared to depict what journalists and internet sleuths identified as a legless department store mannequin mounted on a metal display stand, wearing an oversized navy suit, white wig, eyeglasses, and tie.
“We are deeply disappointed by the skeptical conspiracy theories that the photo is inauthentic,” McConnell’s chief spokesperson told reporters at a press briefing. “There is absolutely no deception here. The photograph clearly shows Senator McConnell sitting in his office, fully engaged in Senate business, and looking remarkably spry. The rumors that he has been replaced by a department store prop are entirely baseless.”
The office dismissed calls for a live public appearance, insisting that a single photograph should be more than sufficient proof the senator remains fully capable of carrying out his constitutional duties. Aides also pointed to how frozen the mannequin appeared, just like the real McConnell.
At press time, congressional reporters had reportedly become even more concerned after discovering the mannequin had displayed noticeably more facial expression than McConnell during his last several Senate speeches.
