WASHINGTON– In one of the most important issues ever tackled by United States Senators, both Democrats and Republicans voted almost unanimously to relax Senate dress code rules by allowing any members to come to work completely naked if they so choose.
Democratic Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer gave an urgent press conference to let the American people know the good news that starting immediately their elected officials will be working on their behalf without any clothes on.
“Good news, America, your US Senators will now be working naked on the Senate floor,” said Schumer in a nasally voice while standing naked behind a podium. “This was a bipartisan effort and something very important that we wanted to do for the American people.”
Last week, Senators had originally voted in favor of relaxing the dress code in order to allow Pennsylvania Senator John Fetterman to do his job dressed as a homeless person, but took a second vote in favor of being naked to make Fetterman feel even more comfortable.
“Senator Fetterman may look like a dirty, fat slob, but he’s our fat slob,” said Schumer after his 72-year-old nipples hardened from the frigid air conditioning in the room. “Now Senator Fetterman will look like the most professional politician in his hoodies and shorts because all the rest of us will be walking around with our naked tuchuses hanging out.”
A few Senators voted against the new bare-skinned dress code, including Republican Senator Rand Paul, who called the new nude rules a disgrace. In defiance of the naked dress code, Paul came into work the next day wearing a full-body astronaut space suit.
