Doctors Say Mitch McConnell Making Steady Recovery From Being Dead
WASHINGTON — In an effort to dispel mounting conspiracy theories regarding the…
Bigfoot Researchers Believe They Have Captured Rare Footage Of Wild Mitch McConnell
KENTUCKY — A team of veteran Bigfoot researchers announced this week they…
Doctors Say Mitch McConnell Hasn’t Aged A Day Since Beginning Formaldehyde Treatments
LOUISVILLE, KENTUCKY — Amid mounting public pressure and a frantic search for…
Mitch McConnell’s Office Insists Proof Of Life Photo Is Authentic
WASHINGTON — Hoping to put weeks of speculation about the senator's whereabouts…
Mitch McConnell Refuses Retirement, Announces Senate Career Will Continue As Desk-Mounted Brain
WASHINGTON — After doctors confirmed his body could no longer reliably perform…
Congress Clarifies Zombie Caught Feasting On Staffer’s Brain Was Just Senator Mitch McConnell
WASHINGTON-- In a move to quell widespread panic after a video surfaced…
Mitch McConnell Beats Cory Booker’s 25-Hour Filibuster Record By Taking 26 Hours To Finish One Sentence
WASHINGTON-- Only one day after Cory Booker made history with the longest…
Mitch McConnell Announces His Retirement From The Chinese Communist Party
BEIJING, CHINA-- It was a sad day in China after Republican Senator…
Xi Jinping Threatens To Fire Mitch McConnell If He Lets Trump Ban China From Buying US Farmland
BEIJING, CHINA-- After receiving the terrible news that President Donald Trump was…
Media Submits Retraction After Discovering Corpse Found In Congress Was Just Mitch McConnell
WASHINGTON-- News media outlets have apologized after reporting that a dead body…
RFK Jr. Starting To Worry After Congress Announces ‘This Confirmation Hearing Is Brought To You By Pfizer’
WASHINGTON-- RFK Jr. went into his confirmation hearing Monday with a lot…
‘I’m Perfectly Capable Of Doing My Job,’ Blinks Mitch McConnell In Morse Code From An ICU Hospital Bed
WASHINGTON-- After suffering yet another fall, a visibly unwell Senator Mitch McConnell…