NORTH POLE– In a new twist to the Christmas tradition, the man known as Santa Claus, whose real name is Kris Kringle, has officially announced that he now identifies as Mrs. Claus and is asking everyone to now refer to him by his new gender-appropriate name Kristine.
Jolly Ole Santa broke the news of his gender swap on his Twitter account early this morning, asking everyone to please respect his wishes and forgive him for not delivering gifts this year being that he’ll be staying home this Christmas Eve and doing Mrs. Claus-type activities, such as baking cookies, washing clothes, and cleaning up after a sloppy, fat husband.
“For the first time in a very long time I’ll be staying home this Christmas,” said Santa in a series of tweets. “I want everyone to know that I now identify as Mrs. Claus and will be sending my wife Mary out this year to try to deliver the gifts while I stay at home and perform the ‘woman’s’ work. I can’t give any further details at this time.”
After various leftwing, liberal news media outlets praised Father Christmas for what they believed was his transition to a woman, a guilt-laden Santa Claus set the record straight by admitting that he’s not actually transgender, but that he simply had a fight with Mrs. Claus when she told him that her job as a housemaker was much more difficult than delivering billions of gifts around the world in one day.
Santa went on to say that he and Mrs. Claus decided to trade places this year to see if they can each perform the other one’s duties.
“I’m sorry for the confusion about pretending to be transgender and for also making my private life public,” wrote Saint Nicholas after numerous people called him out for lying about his transition. “I needed an excuse to tell the world why I won’t be delivering gifts this year and I figured in today’s clown world that the only way people would believe my story was if I told them that I now identified as my wife.”
