ATLANTA, GEORGIA– The most trusted name in news CNN has recently ranked their top five worst presidents in American history, with Donald Trump barely beating out all the other four Donald Trump contenders.
On last night’s Reliable Sources program, quirky host Brian Stelter devoted an entire two hours going through the list of CNN’s choices of the most horrible men to have ever served as Commander-in-Chief.
“This may come as a surprise to everyone, but we think Donald Trump is the worst president in history,” said Stelter after inhaling helium. “What’s even more shocking than Trump taking the number one spot, is the fact that the other four picks were also former President Trump.”
The CNN host backed up his claims that Trump is the most terrible president ever by pointing out the facts that the former president has blonde hair that’s parted to one side and he drinks his water through the mouth instead of through the anus like his network colleague Don Lemon does.
“Our honest, credible survey was based solely on facts and not on personal feelings,” Stelter added while Don Lemon drank some water. “Our anonymous sources are the most unbiased and legitimate experts on the planet who we guarantee are genuine, real human beings, not inanimate objects that we pretend are real people.”
Rounding out the top ten was Donald Trump, who also took the six through ten spots on CNN’s list.
CNN ended the segment by giving their nineteen viewers a glimpse of next week’s program where they’ll be revealing their top five best presidents of all time, which has Barack Obama at the numbers one and three spots, and Joe Biden at numbers two and four. Stelter stated that both Obama and Biden will be sharing the number five spot in the same way they share pizza together.
