TORONTO, ONTARIO — Ontario Premier Doug Ford issued a stern warning to U.S. President Donald Trump on Monday, declaring that if the proposed 50% tariffs go into effect, Ontario is fully prepared to retaliate by completely devastating its own economy.
By cutting off surplus electricity and critical minerals like nickel and uranium to the U.S., Doug Ford plans to teach Washington a brutal lesson by instantly vaporizing billions of dollars in provincial revenue and putting roughly 25,000 northern Ontario miners out of work.
“Let me be clear,” Ford told reporters while standing in front of a giant, menacing map of Ontario’s power grid. “If Donald Trump wants to start a trade war, we will hit him where it hurts: by actively preventing our own citizens from making any money whatsoever. He can kiss my ass, because nobody destroys Ontario’s export revenue but me.”
Ford concluded the press conference by assuring Ontarians that all options remain on the table.
“If bankrupting our own mining and energy sectors doesn’t force Trump to back down, I am fully prepared to order the complete demolition of the CN Tower just in case it’s accidentally blocking the wind blowing into Buffalo.”
