CANADA / US– In a major escalation in the ongoing U.S.-Canada tariff war, a joint petition already signed by over 2 million Canadian and American citizens has been delivered to the White House, pleading with President Donald Trump to immediately drop all tariffs on Canada due to obese Ontario Premier Doug Ford’s vow to streak naked at every 2025 World Series game between the Toronto Blue Jays and Los Angeles Dodgers until the tariffs are lifted.
“I’d rather pay 100% tariffs for the rest of my life than see that man’s body again,” said Toronto resident Julie Deveraux, clutching her stomach after throwing up all over the CBC news reporter. “I can’t unsee what I saw, and frankly, that scares me.”
In the United States, the sentiment was equally dire, with thousands of Americans flooding social media to demand Trump rethink his trade negotiation tactics with Canada.
“I voted for Trump three times and I love most of his policies, but this is just too much,” said eccentric New York City resident Bob Sacamano, wearing a Russian hat made of rat fur. “I don’t care what I have to pay for Canadian goods if Trump can, for the love of God, just make it stop.
Trump, known for his mastery of 4D chess maneuvers, has thus far remained silent on the matter. However, sources close to the administration confirm he was seen retching in the Oval Office after viewing footage of Ford’s naked streak.
Meanwhile, Doug Ford remains undeterred, promising to use his 64-inch waistline to keep up the pressure on the American leader.
In related news, sales of blindfolds and eye masks have skyrocketed across North America. The World Series will also be handing out complimentary vomit bags and PTSD counseling for anyone still brave enough to show up for the rest of the World Series.
