OTTAWA, CANADA — In a touching diplomatic tribute designed to make the 44th President of the United States feel right at home, Prime Minister Mark Carney welcomed Barack Obama to Canada this week by authorizing a series of unprovoked, lethal drone strikes on several dozen unsuspecting, innocent Canadian civilians.
A visibly touched Obama wiped away tears of pleasure as he spoke to reporters outside the conference hall against the backdrop of distant, billowing black smoke.
“It’s just incredibly thoughtful, it really is,” Obama said with a nostalgic, charismatic smile. “Seeing that signature plume of smoke rise over a completely non-threatening residential area brings me right back to the good old days in Waziristan and Yemen. The smell of charred asphalt, the complete lack of judicial oversight—it’s just a beautiful, deeply personal gesture. Mark really went all out.”
According to the Canadian Ministry of National Defence, Mark Carney’s administration deliberately selected a target that posed zero imminent threat to national security to ensure the strike was as historically accurate as possible.
At press time, the two leaders were seen sharing a laugh over cocktails on a rooftop patio, while a third drone strike targeted an elementary school soccer match in Winnipeg to commemorate the upcoming keynote speech on building a safer world for the next generation.
