CARSON CITY, NEVADA– In what has turned out to be the largest mass alien invasion scare since the 1950’s, thousands of frantic citizens called their local authorities after saying that they saw numerous little green men walking around in cities across the nation. Many social rights groups have already claimed that this is yet another example of why going around in green-face is not only offensive, but also a bad idea.
According to government officials, numerous grey-haired human aliens visiting the United States went out in public this morning while in green-face in honor of their Irish heritage. It wasn’t until the government’s alien task force had captured these “little green men” that they discovered that the so-called aliens were in fact humans of Irish decent who were visiting the country for St. Patrick’s Day.
Aengus O’Sullivan, 54, was one of the little green men captured this morning on charges of trying to invade and take over the planet earth.
“I’m still in a bit of shock,” O’Sullivan said in a thick Irish brogue as he sat inside of an alien containment chamber awaiting his release. “I’m here visiting relatives and decided to go out with my face painted green in celebration of our holiday. Next thing I know, I’m being taken away by men dressed in black suits and ties and carrying ray guns.”
O’Sullivan claims that the men in black, who were also wearing black sunglasses, promised to let him go as soon as he cleaned the green paint off his face, submitted to a series of painful anal probes, and stared into something they called a “neuralyzer”.
It is being reported on all reputable news media outlets that the “little green men” were definitely not human beings in green-face visiting this country who had their anuses violated, but rather human beings in green-face visiting this country pretending to be human beings in green-face visiting this country who had their anuses violated.
Visitor Rating: 5 Stars
Visitor Rating: 5 Stars