MASTICATE, WASHINGTON– A Masticate man was rushed to the emergency room where he was pronounced dead after trying to bite off more than he could chew in an effort to prove his friend wrong.
John Nibble, 33, took a bet with his friend that he could take a larger bite out of his corn beef sandwich that he was eating, which inevitably proved fatal. Nibble’s friend stated that there was no way Nibble could take on that much responsibility.
“He’s always been known to bite off more than he could chew,” said Ken Munch, the friend who was with Nibble the day that he died. “Just last week John tried sticking a whole hoagie in his mouth, but only got it about halfway inside. I told him you shouldn’t keep taking on more than you can handle.”
Unfortunately, Nibble’s not alone when it comes to biting off more than one can chew. According to national statistics, 37% of emergency room visits are due to people trying to bite off more than they can chew.
Gary Gnaw, a janitor from the local Masticate hospital, says that every day people are admitted to the ICU after trying to do too much.
“I always tell my patients,” Gnaw started to say as he mopped the floor, “that the smartest thing to do is to bite a little at a time and then chew. Many of my patients claim that it’s not that they’re trying to bite off more than they can chew, but that they’re in a hurry to finish. Those patients are sometimes misdiagnosed as biting off more than they can chew, when they’re actually suffering from haste makes waste.”
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