LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA — Having friends and family over this Memorial Day weekend? No need to stress over what dishes to make on your grill. A top celebrity chef is giving partiers some ideas on what’s this year’s top meals to serve.
Chef Jean Pierre LaDouche is one of the most sought-after chefs in the LA area and has taken some time out of his busy schedule to show all the regular people what famous celebrities will be eating this holiday.
Chef LaDouche spoke to Daily Soak staff by proxy through a reputable news media outlet and said that anyone who’s anyone will be making every one of these dishes.
“The number one meal on everyone’s lips,” Chef LaDouche explained, “will be Pineapple Rose Petal Squirrel Patties. After the squirrel is deskinned, its flesh is mashed into a bowl along with the pineapple and rose petals and formed into a patty which is then cooked for no longer than 30 seconds on the grill. The rose petals give the squirrel a more refined flavor.”
An A-list celebrity, says LaDouche, eats this next meal every Memorial Day.
“Spiced Cat Bacon marinated in horse urine for three and half hours,” said LaDouche with a furrowed brow. “I get a little flack for this one, due to using one of America’s favorite pets. But rest assured, darlings, every one of these felines are feral, rabid cats that have been discarded and living in squalor. At least they’ll die happy knowing that they were skinned alive and thrown onto a barbeque grill to serve starving, obese Americans.
“In case you don’t want to eat your favorite cat,” LaDouche added, “then a dead rat will substitute. Cats and rats have similar muscle density and their names also rhyme.”
Chef LaDouche wants everyone to know that the best way to enjoy these meals is to not tell anyone what they are eating until after they’ve consumed the food. Bon appétit.
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