OTTAWA, CANADA — In a move hailed by the Liberal government as a breakthrough in public safety, Prime Minister Mark Carney announced that he will be banning all schools in Canada to prevent future transgender-related shootings, following the recent tragedy at Tumbler Ridge Secondary School where a transgender individual killed multiple people.
Standing in front of a row of pride flags at the prime minister’s residence, Carney dismissed concerns about the root causes of such incidents, including untreated mental illness and those individuals access to firearms.
“After careful consideration of the facts, it’s clear that the real issue here is the existence of schools themselves,” Carney said during a press conference as he teared up staring at the rainbow-colored flags. “By eliminating classrooms entirely, we eliminate the risk of anyone being shot in one. This is common-sense governance at its finest.”
The policy will convert all educational facilities into community reflection centers where children will be taught more neutral subjects, such as changing their gender and chopping off their genitals.
The prime minister later stated that he would further prevent trans shootings of non-trans children by simply requiring every child to be transgender.
