WASHINGTON– The 45th annual Kennedy Center Honors returned to tradition this year by recognizing Joe Biden for his outstanding acting role as America’s greatest illegitimate president.
George Clooney kicked off the record-breaking show with a comedy skit where he and his fellow Hollywood celebrities sutured their mouths onto Biden’s angelic buttocks while roasting Donald Trump even though he’s been out of the White House for twenty-two months.
“Tonight we honor Joe Biden, the greatest man to have ever pretended to be the President of the United States,” said Clooney as a confused Biden kept muttering about how he got there. “Even though Joe’s presidential acting abilities are atrocious and no one actually believes he’s the real president, it’s still better than having that last orange president with his mean tweets. Wouldn’t everyone agree?”
As the crowd of A-list celebrity pizza lovers cheered and stomped their red shoes in agreement, Biden was led upstage by the much younger 189 year old vampire House Speaker Nancy Pelosi.
“I humbly accept this honor by my ice cream loving peers as this year’s fakest prime minister of Canada,” said Biden while wife Jill changed his diaper for the tenth time in the last hour. “I promise to make every one of you rich, globalist pharmaceutical executives happy with my performance of making your bank accounts grow even larger while limiting the American peons to a mere $600.”
The thrill of the night was when godlike Biden levitated from off the stage and began performing miracles, such as holding a fart in for longer than thirty seconds, speaking one complete intelligible sentence, and refraining from sniffing any female’s hair for almost five minutes.
