WASHINGTON– Senate Democrats refused to show up at the Judiciary Committee hearing on Thursday to advance President Trump’s Amy Coney Barrett nomination and instead occupied their empty seats with cardboard stand-ins of themselves in protest, with their lifelike images receiving praise for actually working with Republicans to get things accomplished.
While Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-NY) stood outside the Capitol crying that the entire nomination process was an unfair sham, his cardboard likeness was inside on the Senate floor working his cardboard butt off with his fellow Republican Committee members to give the American people some return investment on their taxpayer dollars.
Republican senators, who weren’t told or even aware that the cardboard cutouts were filling in, praised their Democratic colleagues for all their hard work and willingness to come to a bipartisan agreement on what’s best for the United States.
Senate Judiciary Chairman Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.) gave a riveting speech afterwards and thanked cardboard Sen. Schumer and the other spirited Democrat senator cutouts.
“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but my Democratic colleagues really came through on this one,” Graham said as his eyes welled up with patriotic emotion. “This is the first time in a very long time that both sides of the aisle could come together and do what’s best for the American people.”
After shaking Schumer’s cardboard hand, Graham added, “I’ve never seen the Democrats work this hard before and have so much life and enthusiasm. If this is any indication of the future, then we might start to actually get things done in Congress instead of just collecting paychecks. The Democrats are so dedicated today that they’re even refusing to leave their seats on the Senate floor.”
