WASHINGTON– Joe Biden’s body double has officially resigned from his job of acting as the former vice president’s stand-in, saying that he grew tired of having to play the part of a demented, corrupt, old moron and has given his two weeks notice.
Biden’s body double, 72-year-old Moe Hiden, told Fox News reporters that he wasn’t able to keep up the façade of mimicking his boss’s every cringe-worthy move, such as walking around naked, screaming at inanimate objects, lying to the American people, or making love to his wife Jill.
Biden’s body double had enough
“The final straw for me was when Hunter’s laptop became public and I had to tell reporters I didn’t know what a laptop is,” Moe Hiden said without slurring his speech. “It was bad enough having to hide inside Joe’s basement with him twenty hours a day while he exercised in the nude, but I wasn’t able to keep up with the million times Joe would say the complete opposite of what he said five minutes earlier.”
Even though he hated his job, the body double says he doesn’t have any hard feelings toward Joe Biden and hopes he can find a replacement lookalike who’s willing to copy Biden’s every move while his son is being investigated for possible crimes. He says he also forgives Joe for all the times he came up from behind him and sniffed the back of his head.
“What body double?”
Fox News reached out to the Democratic nominee to ask him his thoughts on losing his doppelganger so close to the election and asked if he has any plans on replacing his stand-in for all his rally speeches or when making phone calls to foreign leaders for bribes.
“C’mon, man, who’s Moe Hiden?” Biden asked over the phone, referring to his body double. “Look, fat, here’s the deal. I don’t have a body double. This is Russian disinformation that was cooked up by Donald Trump and has already been debunked by Twitter fact-checkers.”
Five minutes after telling one Fox News host that he didn’t have a body double, Biden asked a different Fox News host why he hasn’t seen his body double in a while.
Joe Biden: “We have put together I think the most extensive and inclusive voter fraud organization in the history of American politics.”
Biden’s fart was “long and loud and impossible to ignore.”